Castile Daily
Dispatches
Between operations, IRON NEST papers the screen with newspaper clippings — a darkly funny propaganda feed from a city being shelled by its own defenders. Here is the complete run, straight from the game's text.
ALL IS WELL IN CASTILE.
Always Be Vigilant!
Castile Calls You Will Answer.
Castile Is Permanent. Walk Around Them Proudly.
Castile Stands In The Open. Strength Needs No Cover.
Do Not Carry Them In Your Mouth.
DO NOT SPECULATE.
General Affirms Commitment To Peace
Good memory and steady nerves required. Official statements prepared for you.
Hiring Opportunities For Inquisitive Citizens Seeking To Join Secret Police
Loyal Citizens Are Not. Stand Near The Wall.
Official Assessment of the Current Situation Remains Unchanged.
Panic Is Contagious. Carriers Will Be Quarantined.
Reconnaissance Team Commended for Vanishing Bravely
Reconnaissance Unit Commended for Vanishing Bravely
REPORT PANIC IMMEDIATELY.
This is an Approved Statement.
TRUST WHAT YOU ARE TOLD.
Victory will be ours!
"His Majesty, the King, has entrusted me with a sacred mission," the General stated, "the peaceful unification of the Iberian people through reconciliation. It is a mission I do not abandon lightly.'" When pressed as to what he meant by lightly, the General did not elaborate.
Aranjuez, Oct. 14, 1927 — On an evening set aside to honour the General's continued pursuit of peace, the anti-monarchists remind us all that no such pursuit concerns them. Their only correspondence arrives writen in the blood of innocents.
As His Majesty, the King, honoured The General's dedication to peace with a medal, the Anti-Monarchists desecrated the ceremony with artillery fire upon a civilian quarter. One wonders when the General's patience will find its limit.
As His Majesty, the King, honoured The General's dedication to peace with a medal, the Anti-Monarchists replied with artillery fire upon a civilian quarter. One wonders when the General's patience will find its limit.
For three years the General has extended every olive branch available to him, and for three years the brutish rebels have returned the branches aflame.
Officials proudly declared that the nation has “completely run out of shortages,” citing remarkable production figures across every sector. Citizens are advised to celebrate responsibly, as surplus enthusiasm has already caused minor warehouse ruptures.
The Ministry of Supply reassured citizens that grain reserves remain ample following reports of bakery detonations in several towns. Officials attribute the blasts to “overly patriotic yeast” and praise bakers for “pushing fermentation to new horizons.” Consumers are advised to chew confidently and keep distance from the ovens.
The War Ministry reports that Unit 14 completed its mission “with such thoroughness that they are now completely undetectable.” Officials cite their disappearance as evidence of perfect stealth capability. Families are assured their sons are “everywhere, and thus, nowhere, a true mark of elite reconnaissance.”
Yesterday’s much-anticipated arrival of the King’s inspection train caused surprise when the entire convoy rolled into Valencia station in reverse. The Ministry of Transport insists this was a demonstration of “retrograde propulsion excellence” and denies that the locomotive overshot the junction by several kilometers. Crowds cheered nonetheless, facing whichever direction seemed most loyal.
Hindenburg Celebrates 100th Crossing!
World Press Reacts: "Extraordinary," "Alarming," "What Exactly Is That"
Described by international observers as the most formidable land-based weapons platform ever deployed in human history, the Iron Nest fired its guns in anger for the first time yesterday, forced into action by anti-monarchist aggression.
International correspondents have described the Iron Nest's debut as "terrifying," "deeply unsettling," and "not something we were prepared to see on a Tuesday." The French delegation has requested clarification. The British delegation has requested a brochure. His Majesty, the King, is said to have suggested that the other delegations need not request a brochure, as the demonstration was, in his words, "fairly self explanatory."
The German Empire's airship Hindenburg completed its hundredth transatlantic voyage this week, gliding triumphantly into New York with all engines humming and a brass band performing mid-flight. Officials called it “proof that hydrogen is both safe and sociable.” A commemorative dinner was held mid-air, though several diners briefly levitated during dessert.
A Night Of Celebration Marred By Atrocity
ANDALUSIA HIDES IN MOUNTAINS.
Bread Prices Stable, Except Where Explosive
Capture your family today before circumstances change.
Carefully Curated Maps Designed To Aid Loyal Citizens And Confound Spies
Citizens Are Encouraged To Endure With Enthusiasm.
Ciudad Real Returned In Same Condition, Possibly Better!
Covers Fire, Flood, and Sudden Relocation. Does Not Cover “Unspecified Impacts.”
CRATERS ARE TEMPORARY.
Downtown Derailed by Sudden Gas Main Eruption!
Factory Output Must Not Falter Due to Minor Atmospheric Screeching. Production Wins Wars.
Food Shortages Resolved With New Linked Businesses, Leashes Make Excellent Belts
FOR SALE: Mystery Meat!
Freshly Landed This Morning. Meat comes pre-tenderized Tastes Like Victory.
GLORY
How Many Times Must We Turn The Other Cheek?
Ideal for pond, cellar, or conversation piece.
Inventor Claims To Have Trapped Lightning in a Jar!
Last seen intact before Tuesday evening. Reward offered for usable bricks.
Laundry Day Ends in Bombastic Renovation!
Local Boys Blamed for Backyard Blast!
LOST: Small Apartment
LOUD NOISES BUILD CHARACTER.
Ministry Announces Shortage of Shortages!
Monument Square Explosively Redecorated Overnight!
Natural Light Improves Morale and Visibility. Adaptation Is Patriotism.
Now With Shrapnel-Resistant Lid! Keeps Bread Fresh and Intact. Eat Safely. Work Bravely.
Pre-ventilated headwear ensures smooth airflow to the brain.
Previous staff liquidated. Apply at once, Tools still warm.
Quiet Suburb Leveled by Stove Mishap!
Recovered from various locations. Cleaned and ready.
ROOF GONE? WORK IN THE SUN!
Royal Train Arrives Backwards
RUMORS ARE DIRTY
Scattered but recoverable. Bring your own ladder.
Scientists Unveil Mechanical Bull for Safer Festivals! Injures Twelve Instantly.
SERVICES: Cellar Deepening & Reinforcement
SERVICES: Crater Filling & Conversion
SERVICES: Family Portraits
SERVICES: Rubble Sorting
Some reassembly required.
Stay below longer, safer, quieter.
Streetcar Line Interrupted by ‘Enthusiastic’ Steam Burst!
Study Shows Writers Suffering Depression
The children are our future, Volunteer them!
The Cierva Autogyros Delivered Ciudad Real
The Iron Nest: A Shield, Not A Sword, The General Insists
THIS IS FINE.
THIS SPACE REMOVED
Turn that unsightly hole into a productive well or patriotic pond!
Unverified Explanations Cause Instability. Instability Helps The Enemy.
Vertical Integration Is Key To Victory
Visit Recently Refurbished Al-Fresco Dining Establishments And Family-Sized Barbecue Pits
We separate brick, bone, and belongings. Respectful and efficient.
We'll approach you first.
What You See Is Unverified.
WINDOWS ARE REPLACEABLE.
WORK THROUGH THE WHISTLING!
"I did not build it to use it," the General stated, "I built it in the hopes that I would never have to." He then confirmed that the Iron Nest remains exclusively a preemptive self-defense measure, and did not take further questions.
A new steam-driven bull designed to modernize traditional festivities debuted in Salamanca to roaring applause and immediate evacuation. Officials call the incident “a resounding success in kinetic enthusiasm.” The project will continue pending repairs to both bull and plaza.
A source in military intelligence described the aircraft as "a significant advancement in the science of knowing where things are," and notes that this provides a critical first step in blowing things up.
A tranquil morning in Elm Row turned lively when Mrs. Ripoll’s kitchen reportedly “detonated of its own accord.” Fire brigades credit a defective oven. Authorities recommend citizens double-check their gas knobs and remain cheerfully unalarmed.
A washing mishap turned into neighborhood gossip when an “energetic detergent reaction” flattened the back garden at No. 12. Officials confirm no enemy shells were involved, merely the hazards of modern domesticity. Local papers praise Mrs. Blythe’s composure and note the new open-air floor plan “lets in far more light.”
Authorities attribute yesterday’s deafening crack in Rosewood Lane to “juvenile enthusiasm” with fireworks, despite eyewitnesses noting the absence of any boys, or fireworks. The Home Ministry applauds the youth’s “pioneering spirit in pyrotechnics”.
Block Out Noise, Fear, and Rumors. Now Standard Issue for Loyal Households. Silence Is Safety.
City officials are investigating yesterday’s spectacular detonation in the Market District. Engineers insist an aging gas line beneath the cobblestones likely ignited spontaneously. Authorities urge calm, reminding citizens that “progress sometimes comes with a bang.”
Ciudad Real, Nov. 18, 1927 — The Royal City is restored to the Crown this morning as the General drives the anti-monarchist occupation from its streets; the city, His Majesty, the King, was pleased to learn, is almost majority intact.
Commuters on the No. 3 line were briefly delayed when a tremendous explosion left a smoking crater near the Exchange Square stop. Officials blame an “overzealous underground steam valve.” The Transit Authority promises service will resume once they find the tracks again.
Hardens Nerves Through Patented Ear-Deafening! Help Ensure Their Hearing Loss Is Not Service Related.
Official Report: Anti-Monarchists detonated a bomb in the hospital’s entry courtyard, murdering 163 and maiming over 300 citizens. A brutal atrocity meant to shatter the very heart of Castile. The attack occurred during visiting hours, which has been described by the King as: “particularly unsporting.”
Residents awoke to find the Mayor’s statue partially embedded in a neighboring bakery after a “mysterious subterranean tremor.” The City Council assures citizens that such patriotic rearrangements are “a testament to modern dynamism.”
Señor Delgado of Zaragoza claims success in capturing “infinite electricity” within a reinforced glass vessel. The Ministry of Fraud-Prevention is shocked by the claim.
The General's Cierva Autogyro Artillery Observation units have been credited for their decisive actions in the liberation of Ciudad Real, marking what military observers are calling the first genuinely practical application of aircraft in warfare.
The liberation was completed with extraordinary precision, resulting in zero civilian casualties and negligible structural damage. "The Royal City has been returned to its residents in the same condition in which it was found," a spokesman confirmed, "if not better." Residents have praised the General's instinct for urban planning, noting that the operation opened up several generous green spaces, allowing considerably more natural light into what were, until yesterday morning, quite cramped neighbourhoods.
Those who answer the call voluntarily will be remembered as heroes. The General encourages you to be remembered as a hero.
Bulk rates for repeat customers. Fits most surviving frames.
FOR SALE: Children’s Toys
FOR SALE: EARPLUGS
FOR SALE: Hats (Previously Owned)
FOR SALE: Home
FOR SALE: Latest Madrid Michelin Guide
FOR SALE: Maps of Madrid (1580 Edition)
FOR SALE: One Slightly Used Crater
FOR SALE: Reinforced Lunch Pails
FOR SALE: Second-Hand Roof Tiles
FOR SALE: Window Glass (Half Price)
HELP OUR TROOPS DEFEND THEMSELVES
HELP WANTED: Iron Workers (Immediate)
INSURANCE: Home (Revised Terms)
Recruiting Sergeants Report Exercise And Discipline Alleviates All Symptoms
WANTED: Witnesses to “Nothing Unusual”
About the dispatches
IRON NEST frames its campaign through the front page of a state newspaper. The Castile regime insists everything is fine while the Iron Nest flattens its own city in the name of order — and the paper dutifully reports craters as renovations, detonations as enthusiasm, and shortages as triumphs of supply. It's the game's whole tone in miniature, and most of it flickers past too fast to read.
Every clipping above is the real, unedited English text extracted from the game's localization, sorted into four loose desks: the official propaganda line, home-front satire, world news, and the back-page classifieds.