Castile Daily
Dispatches
Between operations, IRON NEST papers the screen with newspaper clippings — a darkly funny propaganda feed from a city being shelled by its own defenders. Here is the complete run.
ALL IS WELL IN CASTILE.
Always Be Vigilant!
Castile Calls You Will Answer.
Castile Is Permanent. Walk Around Them Proudly.
Castile Stands In The Open. Strength Needs No Cover.
Do Not Carry Them In Your Mouth.
DO NOT SPECULATE.
General Affirms Commitment To Peace
Good memory and steady nerves required. Official statements prepared for you.
Hiring Opportunities For Inquisitive Citizens Seeking To Join Secret Police
Loyal Citizens Are Not. Stand Near The Wall.
Official Assessment of the Current Situation Remains Unchanged.
Panic Is Contagious. Carriers Will Be Quarantined.
Reconnaissance Team Commended for Vanishing Bravely
Reconnaissance Unit Commended for Vanishing Bravely
Runs after: Friendly fire
REPORT PANIC IMMEDIATELY.
THE GENERAL MARCHES NORTH
THE MORNING BARCELONA WAS SPARED
This is an Approved Statement.
TRUST WHAT YOU ARE TOLD.
Victory will be ours!
"His Majesty, the King, has entrusted me with a sacred mission," the General stated, "the peaceful unification of the Iberian people through reconciliation. It is a mission I do not abandon lightly.'" When pressed as to what he meant by lightly, the General did not elaborate.
A decade ago this week, an artillery operator stationed outside a condemned city chose not to fire on it. The General died in its place. The genocide that could have followed never came. We rebuilt. We endured. The world beyond our borders has not been so lucky. Ten years on, the war that began in France still burns, under new names and new banners. This peninsula alone stands outside it, held not by treaty or mercy, but by the same iron sentinels that almost destroyed us. We still don't know who fired that shot. Most of us stopped asking years ago. We are told only this, at every anniversary, by every ministry that has since inherited the words: peace is not kept. It is manufactured. Once again, we honor the sacrifice of the men, women, and children whose continued productivity keeps us safe. Should that productivity ever falter, we are reminded, so too might everything it has bought us.
Aranjuez, Oct. 14, 1927 — On an evening set aside to honour the General's continued pursuit of peace, the anti-monarchists remind us all that no such pursuit concerns them. Their only correspondence arrives writen in the blood of innocents.
As His Majesty, the King, honoured The General's dedication to peace with a medal, the Anti-Monarchists desecrated the ceremony with artillery fire upon a civilian quarter. One wonders when the General's patience will find its limit.
As His Majesty, the King, honoured The General's dedication to peace with a medal, the Anti-Monarchists replied with artillery fire upon a civilian quarter. One wonders when the General's patience will find its limit.
For three years the General has extended every olive branch available to him, and for three years the brutish rebels have returned the branches aflame.
Official Report: Anti-Monarchists detonated a bomb in the hospital’s entry courtyard, murdering 163 and maiming over 300 citizens. A brutal atrocity meant to shatter the very heart of Castile. The attack occurred during visiting hours, which has been described by the King as: “particularly unsporting.”
Officials proudly declared that the nation has “completely run out of shortages,” citing remarkable production figures across every sector. Citizens are advised to celebrate responsibly, as surplus enthusiasm has already caused minor warehouse ruptures.
Runs after: Everyday news
The German Empire has invaded France on two grounds: that France was mobilizing, a fact Kaiser Wilhelm considers self-evident since a nation not mobilizing would presumably say so, and that Alsace-Lorraine remains, by his own calendar, overdue for return. Officials further note that France, being fully occupied with Britain at the time, was in no position to mobilize against Germany at all, a detail the Kaiser insists is entirely beside the point. - The General calls this the mark of a truly modern military: one capable of citing two reasons for war, and requiring neither to be true.
The Ministry of Supply reassured citizens that grain reserves remain ample following reports of bakery detonations in several towns. Officials attribute the blasts to “overly patriotic yeast” and praise bakers for “pushing fermentation to new horizons.” Consumers are advised to chew confidently and keep distance from the ovens.
Runs after: Everyday news
The War Ministry reports that Unit 14 completed its mission “with such thoroughness that they are now completely undetectable.” Officials cite their disappearance as evidence of perfect stealth capability. Families are assured their sons are “everywhere, and thus, nowhere, a true mark of elite reconnaissance.”
Runs after: Friendly fire
With Barcelona pacified in totality, the General has announced that Castile's guns will not be resting long. Iron Nest units are, as of this printing, already redeploying north, toward the French frontier. The Ministry confirms Castile will stand alongside the German Empire "for as long as the Kaiser requires," a commitment officials describe as overdue rather than sudden. The General, for his part, has called the timing "convenient," and declined to elaborate further. His Majesty the King has made no public statement regarding this new front. Officials note he Has been rather silent of late.
Yesterday’s much-anticipated arrival of the King’s inspection train caused surprise when the entire convoy rolled into Valencia station in reverse. The Ministry of Transport insists this was a demonstration of “retrograde propulsion excellence” and denies that the locomotive overshot the junction by several kilometers. Crowds cheered nonetheless, facing whichever direction seemed most loyal.
Runs after: Everyday news
Hindenburg Celebrates 100th Crossing!
Runs after: Everyday news
World Press Reacts: "Extraordinary," "Alarming," "What Exactly Is That"
Described by international observers as the most formidable land-based weapons platform ever deployed in human history, the Iron Nest fired its guns in anger for the first time yesterday, forced into action by anti-monarchist aggression.
International correspondents have described the Iron Nest's debut as "terrifying," "deeply unsettling," and "not something we were prepared to see on a Tuesday." The French delegation has requested clarification. The British delegation has requested a brochure. His Majesty, the King, is said to have suggested that the other delegations need not request a brochure, as the demonstration was, in his words, "fairly self explanatory."
The German Empire's airship Hindenburg completed its hundredth transatlantic voyage this week, gliding triumphantly into New York with all engines humming and a brass band performing mid-flight. Officials called it “proof that hydrogen is both safe and sociable.” A commemorative dinner was held mid-air, though several diners briefly levitated during dessert.
Runs after: Everyday news
A Gentle Correction
A Message From His Majesty The King:
A MESSAGE FROM THE GENERAL TO ALL NATIONS:
A Nation At Peace, A Continent At War.
A Night Of Celebration Marred By Atrocity
Admiralty Swears Retribution
All Survivors Tell Identical Story
AN AMBUSH IMPORTED FROM ABROAD!
ANCHORS AWEIGH, BAYONETS FIXED
ANDALUSIA HIDES IN MOUNTAINS.
BARCELONA COMES HOME
BARCELONA IS SILENT
BARCELONA SUBDUED ORDER RESTORED
Bread Prices Stable, Except Where Explosive
Runs after: Everyday news
Capture your family today before circumstances change.
Carefully Curated Maps Designed To Aid Loyal Citizens And Confound Spies
Castiles's Mechanized Wonder!
Citizens Are Encouraged To Endure With Enthusiasm.
Ciudad Real Returned In Same Condition, Possibly Better!
Covers Fire, Flood, and Sudden Relocation. Does Not Cover “Unspecified Impacts.”
COWARDS HIDE BEHIND THEIR GUNS!
Cowards Still Funded, Somehow...
CRATERS ARE TEMPORARY.
CÁDIZ RETURNS TO THE CROWN
Downtown Derailed by Sudden Gas Main Eruption!
Runs after: A shell in the city
ENTENTE AT ODDS!
Factory Output Must Not Falter Due to Minor Atmospheric Screeching. Production Wins Wars.
FALSE FORTRESS FALLS!
Fireworks over a free city
Food Shortages Resolved With New Linked Businesses, Leashes Make Excellent Belts
FOR SALE: Mystery Meat!
Foreign Crates Found On Traitor's Train
Foreign Masters Abandon Their Puppets
FRENCH WARSHIP ATTACKS SLEEPING BRITISH CRUISER!
Freshly Landed This Morning. Meat comes pre-tenderized Tastes Like Victory.
Germany Denounces Foreign Meddling
GLORY
Grand Fleet Takes Up War Stations
How Many Times Must We Turn The Other Cheek?
Ideal for pond, cellar, or conversation piece.
Inventor Claims To Have Trapped Lightning in a Jar!
Runs after: Everyday news
Last seen intact before Tuesday evening. Reward offered for usable bricks.
Laundry Day Ends in Bombastic Renovation!
Runs after: A shell in a residential district
Local Boys Blamed for Backyard Blast!
Runs after: A shell in a residential district
LOST: Small Apartment
LOUD NOISES BUILD CHARACTER.
Ministry Announces Shortage of Shortages!
Runs after: Everyday news
Monstrous Strike on Mercy Ward!
Monument Square Explosively Redecorated Overnight!
Runs after: A shell in the city
Natural Light Improves Morale and Visibility. Adaptation Is Patriotism.
Now With Shrapnel-Resistant Lid! Keeps Bread Fresh and Intact. Eat Safely. Work Bravely.
PHANTOM FLEET MEETS FORTRESS
Pre-ventilated headwear ensures smooth airflow to the brain.
Previous staff liquidated. Apply at once, Tools still warm.
Quiet Suburb Leveled by Stove Mishap!
Runs after: A shell in a residential district
REBEL RELIEF DERAILED
Recovered from various locations. Cleaned and ready.
ROOF GONE? WORK IN THE SUN!
Royal Train Arrives Backwards
Runs after: Everyday news
RUMORS ARE DIRTY
Scattered but recoverable. Bring your own ladder.
Scientists Unveil Mechanical Bull for Safer Festivals! Injures Twelve Instantly.
Runs after: Everyday news
SERVICES: Cellar Deepening & Reinforcement
SERVICES: Crater Filling & Conversion
SERVICES: Family Portraits
SERVICES: Rubble Sorting
Sevilla Welcomes The Crown
Some reassembly required.
Stay below longer, safer, quieter.
Streetcar Line Interrupted by ‘Enthusiastic’ Steam Burst!
Runs after: A shell in the city
Study Shows Writers Suffering Depression
THE AIR ITSELF OBEYS THE CROWN
The children are our future, Volunteer them!
The Cierva Autogyros Delivered Ciudad Real
THE ENTENTE REFORGED
THE IRON NEST STANDS UNBROKEN!
The Iron Nest: A Shield, Not A Sword, The General Insists
The Royal City Reclaimed
THE VIPER IS DEFANGED
The Wall Behind The Wall
THIS IS FINE.
THIS SPACE REMOVED
TRAITORS DIVIDED
Turn that unsightly hole into a productive well or patriotic pond!
Unverified Explanations Cause Instability. Instability Helps The Enemy.
Valencia falls to flawless precision
Vertical Integration Is Key To Victory
Visit Recently Refurbished Al-Fresco Dining Establishments And Family-Sized Barbecue Pits
WAR! GERMANY MARCHES WEST!
We separate brick, bone, and belongings. Respectful and efficient.
We'll approach you first.
What You See Is Unverified.
WINDOWS ARE REPLACEABLE.
WORK THROUGH THE WHISTLING!
"I did not build it to use it," the General stated, "I built it in the hopes that I would never have to." He then confirmed that the Iron Nest remains exclusively a preemptive self-defense measure, and did not take further questions.
A fleet bearing no flag, no markings, and no insignia of any kind appeared off Castile's coast at dawn and attempted a landing in force. By dusk, the Phantom Fleet had been returned to the sea in considerably worse condition than it arrived, a feat the Ministry credits entirely to the Iron Nest, which held the line unaided and, by all official accounts, unbothered. - The Ministry describes the size of the invading force as "substantial," a word officials insist should not be mistaken for "alarming."
A new steam-driven bull designed to modernize traditional festivities debuted in Salamanca to roaring applause and immediate evacuation. Officials call the incident “a resounding success in kinetic enthusiasm.” The project will continue pending repairs to both bull and plaza.
Runs after: Everyday news
A source in military intelligence described the aircraft as "a significant advancement in the science of knowing where things are," and notes that this provides a critical first step in blowing things up.
A tranquil morning in Elm Row turned lively when Mrs. Ripoll’s kitchen reportedly “detonated of its own accord.” Fire brigades credit a defective oven. Authorities recommend citizens double-check their gas knobs and remain cheerfully unalarmed.
Runs after: A shell in a residential district
A washing mishap turned into neighborhood gossip when an “energetic detergent reaction” flattened the back garden at No. 12. Officials confirm no enemy shells were involved, merely the hazards of modern domesticity. Local papers praise Mrs. Blythe’s composure and note the new open-air floor plan “lets in far more light.”
Runs after: A shell in a residential district
Accept no Imitations! To the nations of the world currently attempting, rather clumsily, to build an Iron Nest of your own: why bother? Castile's engineers have already solved every problem your engineers are only now discovering. The original remains faster, sturdier, and considerably harder to ambush successfully, as one imitator recently, and permanently, learned. Additional units are already in production, available to any crowned head In exchange for a defensive alliance and some gold bullion. Accept no imitations. Accept no substitutes. Accept the key to victory that Castile is offering you.
Aranjuez, Nov. 17, 1927 — On an evening set aside to honour the General's continued pursuit of peace, the anti-monarchists remind us all that no such pursuit concerns them. Their only correspondence arrives writen in the blood of innocents.
Aranjuez, Nov. 17, 1927 • On an evening set aside to honour the General's continued pursuit of peace, the anti-monarchists remind us all that no such pursuit concerns them. Their only correspondence arrives writen in the blood of innocents.
Authorities attribute yesterday’s deafening crack in Rosewood Lane to “juvenile enthusiasm” with fireworks, despite eyewitnesses noting the absence of any boys, or fireworks. The Home Ministry applauds the youth’s “pioneering spirit in pyrotechnics”.
Runs after: A shell in a residential district
Barcelona has been secured, its people subdued rather than harmed, a distinction the General has taken considerable personal pride in drawing. Not a single life was lost according to official records, though the General notes several thousand will remember it for the rest of theirs. "A city need not be destroyed to be taught a lesson," the General remarked, smiling for the photograph. "It need only be given one it will not forget." His Majesty the King has offered his congratulations on a peaceful resolution, a phrase officials note he chose very carefully.
Barcelona is silent, and flat, this morning, in the most literal sense the Ministry has ever had occasion to use that word. The Eixample no longer exists in any form its architects would recognize, and the cathedral that once stood over it has been reduced to a shape officials have not yet found the correct term for. -The General describes the operation as "total," a word he has asked the Ministry to begin using more often.
Barcelona's streets were, by midday, thick with something considerably harder to argue with than infantry, gas of several varieties, settled over the city in careful sequence, some merely disagreeable, others rather more persuasive. Engineers followed close behind, laying wire and mines through the districts most reluctant to be persuaded. "The wire and the mines were merely a formality," the General added. "By the time we laid them, no one left in Barcelona had the lungs to climb over them anyway."
BARCELONA, Nov. 10th 1928 - Celebrations broke out across Barcelona's streets this morning, as word spread that there will be peace in our time. The Civil War that has divided this peninsula for the better part of a decade is, as of this morning, over. "I asked only that they come home," His Majesty the King said. "They have done so on their own terms, and that is the only way it could have mattered." -The General has not yet issued a statement.
BERLIN • Germany has issued a formal condemnation of French interference. A courtesy Castile's own engineers found somewhat unnecessary, given the outcome. Berlin further praised the Crown's restraint and professionalism throughout the incident. Restraint the Crown insists it did not, in fact, need to exercise.
Block Out Noise, Fear, and Rumors. Now Standard Issue for Loyal Households. Silence Is Safety.
CARTAGENA, Nov. 2nd, 1927– With Cartagena liberated, the anti-monarchists have been cut cleanly in two, leaving their eastern and southern remnants to distrust one another in the Crown's absence. Officials note this was, in fact, the plan all along. - His Majesty the King extends his sympathies to the anti-monarchists, now forced to conduct their treason without the convenience of a shared border.
City officials are investigating yesterday’s spectacular detonation in the Market District. Engineers insist an aging gas line beneath the cobblestones likely ignited spontaneously. Authorities urge calm, reminding citizens that “progress sometimes comes with a bang.”
Runs after: A shell in the city
Ciudad Real, Dec. 19th, 1927 - The Royal City is restored to the Crown this morning as the General drives the anti-monarchist occupation from its streets; the city, His Majesty, the King, was pleased to learn, is almost majority intact.
Ciudad Real, Dec. 20, 1927 • The Royal City is restored to the Crown this morning as the General drives the anti-monarchist occupation from its streets; the city, His Majesty, the King, was pleased to learn, is almost majority intact.
Commuters on the No. 3 line were briefly delayed when a tremendous explosion left a smoking crater near the Exchange Square stop. Officials blame an “overzealous underground steam valve.” The Transit Authority promises service will resume once they find the tracks again.
Runs after: A shell in the city
Cádiz has returned to the Crown after its garrison, having gone to ground rather than face the repercussions of their actions, was located and destroyed before nightfall. The General overseeing the operation called it "the cleanest work this army has done all year." With foreign support for the anti-monarchists now visibly thinning, officials describe morale within the Crown's ranks as the highest it has been since the war began. "They went to ground because they had nowhere left to stand," the General added. "We did not need to hunt them. We only needed to be patient, and let the war do what it has always done to men, women, and children without a cause."
Despite a sustained ambush involving what witnesses describe as "everything the enemy had," the Iron Nest sustained no damage of any kind: no dents, no scorching, no chipped paint, and no cause whatsoever for concern. Army engineers report the fortress is, if anything, structurally improved by the experience.
Equipment recovered from the ambush site has been identified as foreign in origin, sophisticated beyond anything the anti-monarchists could produce, transport, or understand unassisted. Army intelligence notes this is, in itself, the clearest evidence yet that the rebellion has no ideas of its own left, only the ones it can borrow.
Every survivor interviewed places the Léon Gambetta in the strait that night, a claim shipping manifests independently confirm, the vessel having fallen some forty-five minutes behind her published schedule. It was in that window, witnesses agree, that she opened fire without warning. HMS Rockingham did not survive the encounter.
For nearly two years Cartagena's garrison held the line without relief. When the order finally came to advance, the Navy's own sailors led the way on foot. Vice Admiral Mendoza, who commanded the defense throughout the siege, called it "a fitting conclusion for the men, women, and children who have already given the Crown everything else they had to give."
For the first time in a decade, Castile is not fighting itself. North and south, Crown and countryman, stand as one peninsula rather than two sides of a map. That unity was not given to us. It was built, the same way everything worth having in this country has been built: at cost, over years, by people who had every reason to stop and did not. Europe has not been so fortunate, and shows no sign of finding its way to where we now stand. The peace we celebrate today is ours alone, for now. Whether it stays that way is a question His Majesty the King has, wisely, chosen not to answer this morning.
France has ceased all support for the anti-monarchists, a decision the Herald attributes not to cowardice, exhaustion, or the small matter of a hostile fleet at its doorstep, but to a long-overdue attack of conscience. The anti-monarchists, for their part, have reportedly continued writing letters to Paris. Paris, for its part, has reportedly stopped opening them. Officials remind readers that a puppet abandoned mid-performance is not a tragedy. It is simply the curtain falling on a play that was never very good to begin with.
France, invaded and entirely alone, has received no formal support from Britain, its ally of record for over two decades and, as of this printing, its ally in name only. The First Sea Lord, still refusing every order to stand down the Grand Fleet, has left Parliament with no ship to send, no vote to hold, and, increasingly, no idea what to do with itself. The German Empire, for its part, has expressed great sympathy for France's predicament, sympathy Berlin has taken care not to let interfere with the invasion itself.
GIBRALTAR, Jul. 4th, 1928 - HMS Rockingham was destroyed in the dead of night by the French battleship Léon Gambetta, her crew given no warning and, by most accounts, no chance to wake before the first shells struck. Every surviving witness ashore that evening has given, independently, the identical account. Officials call this consistency a testament to the clarity of the truth. - His Majesty the King has sent his deepest condolences to the British Crown, remarking that only a republic, answerable to no one, could commit such an act and still call itself blameless.
Hardens Nerves Through Patented Ear-Deafening! Help Ensure Their Hearing Loss Is Not Service Related.
LONDON - The First Sea Lord, whose own son was among those lost aboard Rockingham, has vowed "an answer France will not soon forget." Paris continues to deny any involvement whatsoever. Several members of Parliament have appealed for restraint, warning against any action taken in advance of a proper inquiry.
MADRID, Jan. 29th, 1928– Foreign observers stunned by Iron Nest’s might. “A new era of warfare,” the General declares, as the world scrambles to respond to the unveiling. - General vows Iron Nest Project is exclusively a preemptive self defensive measure.
MADRID, Jan. 30 1928 • Foreign observers stunned by Iron Nest’s might. “A new era of warfare,” the General declares, as the world scrambles to respond to the unveiling. -General vows Iron Nest Project is exclusively a preemptive self defensive measure.
MADRID, Mar. 14th, 1927– Railway experts report that supplies are significantly less likely to reach the Anti-Monarchists after the railway itself has ceased to exist. - His Majesty the King congratulated the General and the Army on their continued transportation reforms, describing them as "an investment in a brighter future for all loyal Castilians, present and future."
Official Report: Anti-Monarchists detonated a bomb in the hospital’s entry courtyard, murdering 163 and maiming over 300 citizens. A brutal atrocity meant to shatter the very heart of Castile. The attack occurred during visiting hours, which has been described by the King as: “particularly unsporting.”
Official Report: Anti-Monarchists detonated a bomb in the hospital’s entry courtyard, murdering 163 and maiming over 300 citizens. A brutal atrocity meant to shatter the very heart of Castile. The attack occurred during visiting hours, which has been described by the King as: “particularly unsporting.”
Outskirts of Barcelona, Nov. 1st, 1928 - The anti-monarchists' last organized military force has been destroyed! Ending, in every meaningful sense, their capacity to continue defying the General's vision for a peaceful, unified peninsula. The Ministry extends its sympathies to a cause that never understood it was already defeated the moment it chose division over unity. Only Barcelona remains, and with it, one final choice: to join the peace the General has always intended for it, or to be the last small corner of the peninsula that must be shown the way.
Paris Sept. 17th, 1928 - The Premier of France has issued a formal apology to Britain for the loss of HMS Rockingham, along with a list of concessions so extensive that the First Sea Lord has, for the first time in months, found nothing left to demand. The Entente, once fractured over a single cruiser, now stands united against a considerably larger problem. The war over the Alsace-Lorraine has now become a war over Europe.
Quartermasters inventorying the derailed train discovered several crates stamped "Fabriqué en France," a discovery officials described as unsurprising, since republics, lacking a crown to answer to, will arm anyone at all. As one officer explained, "A king answers to God and history. A republic answers to whichever committee shouted loudest that morning."
Reports from Barcelona describe a city considerably quieter this morning than it has been in some years, a change the General attributes entirely to good manners. Streets that once rang with anti-monarchist slogans now ring with something the Ministry prefers to call "reflection." Officials note that reflection, unlike bullets, leaves no permanent mark, a distinction several thousand residents are, at this time, still coming to terms with. The General has toured the affected districts personally, and is said to have found the whole affair rather charming. "They will thank us for this," he remarked, "One day."
Residents awoke to find the Mayor’s statue partially embedded in a neighboring bakery after a “mysterious subterranean tremor.” The City Council assures citizens that such patriotic rearrangements are “a testament to modern dynamism.”
Runs after: A shell in the city
Sevilla, the anti-monarchists' last position in the south, has fallen to a single, seamless assault, infantry, armor, and Iron Nest moving as one machine with one purpose. Every call for fire was answered instantly and with perfect precision. The Ministry confirms that not a single allied soldier was struck by friendly fire at any point during the operation, a record it describes as "consistent with every operation Castile has ever conducted." This, the General says, This is the future of combined arms as he had envisioned years ago: infantry, armor, and Iron Nest acting as a single lethal and unrelenting force.
Señor Delgado of Zaragoza claims success in capturing “infinite electricity” within a reinforced glass vessel. The Ministry of Fraud-Prevention is shocked by the claim.
Runs after: Everyday news
Someone is still writing checks. The Ministry declines to speculate on who, on the grounds that speculation is beneath a nation as certain of itself as Castile. What can be said with total confidence is this: whoever it is, they have appalling taste in investments.
The anti-monarchists chose, in their final defense of Valencia, to shelter behind a wall of anti-aircraft batteries, a decision the Ministry regards with open contempt. "To fire at the sky rather than face the Crown directly," one officer remarked, "is not defense. It is hiding, dressed up in artillery." The Ministry notes this marks the third consecutive engagement in which the anti-monarchists have declined to fight fairly, and the third in which it has not mattered in the slightest.
The Defensive Line held from the first light of dawn until relief arrived, a span the men who stood it have taken to calling, with some understatement, "a long morning." Reinforcements arriving at midday reported finding the line intact, the beach cleared, and the defenders in what witnesses describe as remarkably good spirits, all things considered. The Ministry notes that a wall is only tested by what tries to come through it, and considers the wall, on this occasion, thoroughly vindicated.
The First Sea Lord has ordered the Grand Fleet to war stations along the Channel, a command Parliament has neither approved nor, as of this printing, managed to reverse. France has responded by recalling ships, men, and materiel from abroad to defend its own coastline. The First Sea Lord has offered no comment beyond a single line, repeated to every reporter who has asked: "My son does not require Parliament's permission to be avenged."
The General's Cierva Autogyro Artillery Observation units have been credited for their decisive actions in the liberation of Ciudad Real, marking what military observers are calling the first genuinely practical application of aircraft in warfare.
The liberation was completed with extraordinary precision, resulting in zero civilian casualties and negligible structural damage. "The Royal City has been returned to its residents in the same condition in which it was found," a spokesman confirmed, "if not better." Residents have praised the General's instinct for urban planning, noting that the operation opened up several generous green spaces, allowing considerably more natural light into what were, until yesterday morning, quite cramped neighbourhoods.
The Royal Empire of Castile is no longer the only nation to field an Iron Nest. Ambushed without warning, the Iron Nest shrugged off multiple direct hits without shifting position, held its aim, and ended the engagement with a single shot. The imitation, unmarked save for anti-monarchist colors, never fired again. The Ministry extends its congratulations to whichever nation built it, and its condolences for having built it so poorly. The future of warfare, officials confirm, has arrived, inspected it, and found it entirely made of Castilian iron. The age of the Iron Nest has begun, and the General notes, with some smugness, that Castile got there first, best, and already has more in production.
Those who answer the call voluntarily will be remembered as heroes. The General encourages you to be remembered as a hero.
To the people of Barcelona, and to all who yet stand with them: I have watched this war take more from Castile than I ever wished to give. Sons, fathers, daughters, whole towns I have known since before this crown was mine to carry. I do not believe any of them wanted this, and I no longer believe you do either. There is no shame left to assign, and no debt left to collect. I ask only that you lay down what remains of this fight, so that we may begin, together, to lay down what remains of our grief. Barcelona will always have a place in Castile. I would rather it come home whole than be remembered as the final battleground of this war. The offer stands. It will not stand forever, but for now, it stands. -His Majesty the King
Valencia has fallen, four fortified positions destroyed using nothing but infantry reconnaissance. "Give this operator a common washer held up by a spotter," the General boasted, "and he will put a shell through the hole." The First Spotter's Division has formally requested that, should this demonstration take place, the Third Spotter's Division be the one holding it.
Witnesses at the edge of the exclusion zone describe a light before the sound, a single instant bright enough to be mistaken for dawn arriving several hours early, followed by a silence that took considerably longer to end than the light did. What fell on Barcelona that morning, whether one shell or many, the Ministry has declined to specify, noting only that the distinction "no longer serves any meaningful purpose." Structural survey teams report the Eixample is no longer measurable in blocks, only in radius. The General has classified the matter of the anti-monarchists as "Resolved in totality."
Witnesses in Barcelona describe a sky lit from end to end in the early hours of reunification, bursts of white and gold hanging over the rooftops long enough for entire streets to stop and watch. Colored smoke drifted low over the plazas by mid-morning, and residents report children chasing it through the streets as though it were something to be caught rather than simply witnessed. The Ministry describes the display as "restrained," a word several officers present have since asked to have stricken from the record. Quartermasters report the celebration consumed more ordnance than several of the war's actual battles. Officials call this "a fitting use of the stockpile," and have declined to say whether more was ordered in advance.
Bulk rates for repeat customers. Fits most surviving frames.
FOR SALE: Children’s Toys
FOR SALE: EARPLUGS
FOR SALE: Hats (Previously Owned)
FOR SALE: Home
FOR SALE: Latest Madrid Michelin Guide
FOR SALE: Maps of Madrid (1580 Edition)
FOR SALE: One Slightly Used Crater
FOR SALE: Reinforced Lunch Pails
FOR SALE: Second-Hand Roof Tiles
FOR SALE: Window Glass (Half Price)
HELP OUR TROOPS DEFEND THEMSELVES
HELP WANTED: Iron Workers (Immediate)
INSURANCE: Home (Revised Terms)
Recruiting Sergeants Report Exercise And Discipline Alleviates All Symptoms
WANTED: Witnesses to “Nothing Unusual”
About the dispatches
IRON NEST frames its campaign through the front page of a state newspaper. The Castile regime insists everything is fine while the Iron Nest flattens its own city in the name of order — and the paper dutifully reports craters as renovations, detonations as enthusiasm, and shortages as triumphs of supply. It's the game's whole tone in miniature, and most of it flickers past too fast to read.
Every clipping above is the real, unedited English text, sorted into four loose desks: the official propaganda line, home-front satire, world news, and the back-page classifieds.